Memphis: May 17-18, 2003
The following memories are from the journal of Ali Stritzl
Before we even get to Rose's: Jen: "Ooh, McDonald's." Paul: "No."
One in seven people gets breakfast at McDonald's, yet there is no such thing as a medium cup (Jumbotron only)
Naming the cars: Brahmins, [un]Touchables
Foreignizing/Frenchizing all Missouri names, except Cape Girardeau
Ali Press Conference: No follow-up questions allowed
"'We Are Family' and you're not"
McStop
Signs of faith: "Angry? Need a Weapon? Pray the Rosary!" [bumper sticker] and "Your Baby Would!" [billboard]
Joiner, AR: pop. 572, all of whom are underwater
Tipping trucks and expensive orange juice are ulcer-inducing
COOTER. What more can be said?
Call Cindy Preszler at NBC: the highway is flooded
The thought of Amber running along the flooded ditch to mail the conscience-free postcard obtained at Boomland
Boomland: something for everyone, except people who want film or a mailbox
International Festival = xenophobic missionaries with Jesus banners
Sign: "Last cold beer for 30 feet"
Prison bathrooms and free-but-not-included fries at Alfred's
Alfred's buskers: "Hey, St. Louis - what do you want?" Us: "Nelly!"
Doing everything half-assed or in a half hour, e.g. only going to the giftshop at Graceland
Patriism/patritude
Autogeddon and Ashley Smythericks at the Java Cabana (no Elvis though)
Jen and Karl are fighting spouses - refuse the king bed, somehow still get it, plus a pull-out couch, plus a recliner
"My wife is a lousy drunk, so we'll need seven more towels"
The spelling bee championship is freakin riveting: "the process of hammering metal into thin decorative sheets"
"The Price is Right" is way more fun when you watch it with six friends, especially when one of the contestants (Rose) is doing the Worm on the floor for Bob Barker
The drinking on Beale Street = Big Ass Beers, Hurricanes and Diver Buckets
BB King's wins, with Eartha Kitt and her kids holding a revival/love-in
Amber pissed off because her phone won't let her call Belfast (Karl's bright idea: breathalizer in the phone to prevent drunk dialing)
British Elvis Impersonator (a combo of John Lennon and Cameron from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off") performing weddings in a bar
The day of seven entire meals, including gumbo twice
Amber's nachos are missing? - Rumors of a diner serving only nachos
The diner with no diner food, and definitely no tamales
Rose gets impatient in the "diner": "Karl, where's the food?" "Karl, where's the check?"
Danette calls Nick The Weatherman and solves The Mystery of the Underwater Highway
Paul kicks Ali out of the car and deports her to Canada for pointing out that three additional overnight bags will not actually ruin the bottom of the car
STDs are clearly Appropriate Denny's Conversation. Karl (quoting Strangers with Candy): "The good news: you don't have syphilis. But you do have crabs, and your crabs have syphilis."
No mailboxes in Memphis..and then six hundred - when it rains, it pours ("You said it, sister")
Flying Js are run by Mormons, hence they don't sell liquor (luckily, there's nothing in the book of Mormon prohibiting the sale of $9.99 denim shorts)
Jen wants to be southern in the morning
"Think Pabst Blue Ribbon tastes like champagne? Oh yeah,
you're a mullet man!" [sang to the tune of "Thank God I'm a
Country Boy"]